Honesty

Growing up in a Mormon community but being different was difficult for me. My parents were divorced and I never felt like I fit in, and I continually craved attention, mostly I got the wrong kind. Which led me to make a few bad choices, of which I take full responsibility for. Paul became my everything, and I think I became his. His childhood was filled with difficulty. His Mom left him with his Dad when he was 9 months old. We joke now about it that she ran away with the circus - but she really did. It was just him and his dad until about the age of 8 or 9 and then his father remarried and his step-mom brought 3 boys of her own into the family. And later together they had a baby girl. Again I won't go into the details, but life was hard with this new situation and Paul eventually went up to live with his Mother in Idaho. Together Paul and I found what we were looking for peace, love, and acceptance.
In early March (1993) I suspected I was pregnant I took a home pregnancy test and it was confirmed. However I waited a month until my birthday the 1st of April when I would turn 18 to go to the health department to officially take one there. I was not sure what would happen, if anything, if I was not 18. I figured if I was 18 then I would be an adult and I would get to call the shots. I guess I thought they might call my mom (now how mature is that?). I knew the choice I was making was not right, but I was only thinking of myself, something I was and still am good at.
Because I was never good at confrontation and I new it would hurt my mom; I wrote her a long letter telling her everything. We had a birthday dinner for me and had invited my uncle and aunt over. I had it planned that Paul would be at this dinner and after dinner I left the note on her pillow and Paul and I went out on a 'date'. Really he just took me over to my friends house. I told mom in the letter where I would be, but that I felt we should wait till morning to talk calmly. Something we weren't good at during my teen years.
The next morning my aunt picked me up and we went for a walk around the river to talk, and then she took me home to face reality. I was a senior, I had 3 months of school left. I would be 5 months along when I graduated, if I still graduated. And Paul well he was still a junior. He still had his whole senior year to do. His family took things a little easier. His family's lifestyle was completely opposite from mine. But it was a shock for everyone still.